How to give a Compliment

toki a, jan ale o! mi jan Kekan San! mi wile pana e sona ni: seme la sina ken toki e pona pi jan ante?

Hey everyone, I'm gregdan3, and today I'm gonna tell you about how you give a compliment in Toki Pona! In this lesson that definitely is on time for Valentines Day!

But what is a compliment?

...

Just kidding.

Compliments take many forms.

They can focus on looks, personality traits, things you've done, skills you have, things you care about, and tons more.

But the core of a compliment is pointing one of these things out, and saying what you see that's so good about it!

And this is something Toki Pona excels at- the honesty and directness of a good compliment is exactly what Toki Pona wants from all communication.

So let's go through lots of examples of compliments given in Toki Pona, and see if we can learn something about how to tell our friends we love them!

To start out:

Let's say a friend recently got a sweet haircut. It suits them so well. It's sharp. It's perfect from morning to night.

How many ways can we tell them that their hair is amazing? First, we can just say it:

[Work this example]

The overall translation is then, "Your hair is amazing" or "Your hair is very good."

This pattern is gonna show up a lot, because most compliments boil down to describing something in a positive way.

But what if we wanted to get more specific? Let's add some detail:

[Work this example]

Here, we're giving essentially the same compliment as before to your friend with the amazing hair. But this time, we're adding context to the compliment.

Translation: You woke up just a bit ago, but your hair still looks great!

The added context gives a little boost to the compliment. Your hair isn't just good- I would've expected some bedhead, but no, you just woke up and your hair is still great!

In other words, the compliment isn't just said for its own sake- there is a specific reason why you're so impressed, and explaining that adds to the compliment!

Let's look at another one:

What if you wanted to give a more intimate compliment, like for a partner or a very close friend?

You need to have established trust to be able to give a compliment like this, but we can still explore what it would look like in Toki Pona:

If you're close enough to somebody that you're playing with their hair, a compliment to the feeling of their hair could be very welcome. Here's how you might say it:

[Work this example]

The translation is something like, "Your hair is soft to the touch. I want to rest on it."

In this compliment, the focus shifts from just what you like- you're adding on something about your own feelings, how you relate to what you're complimenting. In the right context, and with somebody who's receptive, this type of compliment can be lovely.

You'll notice that these compliments have been getting more complex as we went on! Adding a bit more detail to the way you're feeling, the experience you've had, or to the vibe you'd like to express- these things can help your compliment feel more earnest. It isn't phatic- that is, it's not something you're saying just to say, or because you feel obligated to. There's a reason you're giving this compliment: it means something to you, and you want it to mean something to them!

Alright, that's enough hair compliments! Let's try another subject:

Let's imagine your friend is in an archery contest, and you came to watch but you weren't totally sure what to expect. In the contest, your friend gets a super impressive score and places first, so you have lots of congratulations to give when you see them afterward! You come up to them and say:

[work this example]

Bringing this translation together: I was at the archery contest, watching you! You did great! You're very skilled with a bow. Now I want to learn (how to use it).

I've picked a really specific example here, but it works for essentially any skill: Your friend probably knows they're skilled- but it feels good to be seen, and to be recognized for the skills you have. On top of that, if you're sincerely interested, showing excitement for somebody else's hobby is a great way to show how much their excitement means to you.

Alternatively, let's imagine your friend is especially skilled at crochet. They're showing off some of their work, and you get so excited by what you see, that you say:

[Work this example]

The overall translation is about expressing your excitement: "You're super good at making cute yarn animals! It's so cute, I want one!"

And this is another aspect of expressing a good compliment- like before, you're talking about what they're skilled in, and like before, you're talking about how that makes you feel. But a big part of a good compliment is how you present it and yourself.

Your wording can express your excitement, and so can your face, tone, and body language. If you're excited for your friend as you compliment them, the compliment works that much better. For Toki Pona, that just means showing your sincere feelings the way you feel them.

Let's try another example!

What if you're visiting a friend's home, and you're interested in the cool stuff they've collected and displayed on their shelves, or the lovely arrangement of their furniture?

Sometimes, a compliment can redirect just a bit, asking for somebody to tell a story about something they care about.

[Work this example]

Here, we start with a short and to the point compliment of your friend's home, but then redirect to the things in their home- and ask, what's this?

The full translation here is "Your home is lovely! There's so many cool things here. What is this? How did you get it?"

Little tip: A lot of people love to talk about themselves, whether their skills, their interests, their friends, any part of their story. Giving them that opportunity can be just as fun for them telling the story as you hearing it!

Alright, one more!

[Work this example]

This one's not just a compliment. It's a prompt too:

"When the two of us talk, I feel great. Later, would you want to play a game?"

The takeaway here, the common thread, is actually something that works in any language- not just in Toki Pona.

Compliments aren't just about the words you say- they're about how you say them, and how you feel them too.

But Toki Pona does more than give you the tools for compliments- the sincerity and literal-ness of Toki Pona excels at expressing compliments.

That said, I have a last minute wrench to throw in the mix, and then I'll pull it right out.

Something I haven't discussed here is subtext. Often, when giving a compliment, the giver will have more feelings, more to say, beyond the literal interpretation of their words. In some contexts, a compliment is more than just a compliment. It can be a silent admission of pride, or a quiet way to show attraction, or just a shy expression of your excitement for a shared hobby or interest.

Or you know, a compliment can just be an honest compliment.

I'll be frank here. Subtext is not something I'm good at. But I find it hard to believe that toki pona has no subtext- you might run into it. But fortunately, Toki Pona gives us one more tool to navigate that challenge: its earnestness makes it a bit easier to just ask, how are you feeling?

Thank you so much for watching! Say something nice to a friend today!